okay. i am not defending this guy.
Only you are, but, whatever.
i am not exactly sure who he is, but there has been hate all over my dash tonight towards him. i went and read the source article, and it really seems like everyone is choosing the bits and pieces that make him look like an asshole to attack him with, and tiptoeing around the rest of the story, the parts that may validate some of what he is saying, or at least explain the whole story.
NOTHING validates calling a victim of assault a total shit.
this women signed the letter calling herself a “sexual deviant”.
Your point? No seriously, the fuck does that have to do with anything?
she never specifically stated she was raped, just that she was “sexually assaulted”.
JUST THAT SHE WAS “SEXUALLY ASSAULTED”
JUST THAT SHE WAS (SCARE QUOTE)SEXUALLY ASSAULTED(SCARE QUOTE)
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME
that does not automatically equate to rape. i am not saying one is better than the other, of course both are horrible things.
YES YOU ARE. YES YOU FUCKING ARE BY THROWING AROUND ‘JUST’ AND SCARE QUOTES YOU FUCKING ASS
she’s in an open relationship, and has no problem with sex OUTSIDE her marriage, something she is still actively pursuing.
And there’s nothing wrong with her meeting her sexual needs. Implying that there is is misogynistic and slut-shaming.
her husband asked her to stop seeking sexual activity outside their marriage until they can work on things together, something she is refusing to do.
Because she has sexual needs she would like to have met. Again with the misogyny and slut-shaming. God forbid women fufill their desires. Nope, just gotta do what the hubby says and be good and chaste until they can sleep with him.
this was not some pleading letter from a broken sobbing woman who was verbally attacked by an evil misogynist. this was a letter from someone who claims to love her husband but doesn’t seem to be interested in doing anything to fix her marriage.
“Whoop, well since you like having sex, clearly you can’t feel broken or feel like a sobbing mess. That just means you only claim to love your husband and aren’t really interested in saving your marriage.”
not once did he say she “owed her husband sex”. he didn’t say she “owed” her husband anything. you are putting words in this man’s mouth.
I never once claimed he said she owed her husband sex. Whoops, looks who’s actually putting words in peoples’ mouths.
all he said was that she needed to decide if this marriage was a priority or not, and to act accordingly.
He also called her a total shit, said that she needed to get her ass into therapy without being told, said she was playing the “Get Out of Being A Decent Human Being” card, and said she was being cruel and selfish.
dan savage’s choice of words may not have been the best, but the advice seemed just fine to me.
If you think ANY of what Dan said is okay or sound advice, you need to go stick your head in bleach. Or fry your genitals and serve them with a side of coleslaw.
- looked at the assholedansavage tumblr before i posted, apparently he ‘hates’ asexuals.
Yup, he does. Okay, maybe he doesn’t hate us, but he certainly loves demonizing us as a bunch of cold, heartless robots looking to trap poor “normal” people into sexless, loveless relationships and make them miserable because that’s what gets us off.
so i went ahead and read the interview he had with david jay. got to the part about “not asexual, just fucked up”. it wasn’t a statement, he was asking a question. and i absolutely agree with what he said there, and i know for a fact i am not the only one in the asexual community that thinks that. he was not talking about the community as a whole.
You’re right, he wasn’t talking about the community as a whole. He was just suggesting asexuality might be riddled with pedophiles and child-molesters (after comparing us with HIV in the same interview, too). Sorry if I find the fact that those thoughts are even entering his head to be a little terrifying and disgusting.
there are people who find themselves under the “asexual umbrella” for the wrong reasons, not knowing they are doing so. there are people who confuse it with celibacy, religion, low-sex drive, etc.; it’s a name people can give to themselves, a community with friendly people they can call home. victims of past sexual abuse, social recluses who feel they don’t mix with the outside world, young teens who are uncomfortable with the idea of sex at this point in their lives and are therefore repulsed, and convinced these thoughts will not change for the rest of their lives. asexuality gives them an identity, makes them part of a group. sure, there are asexual people that can fit any of those above descriptions. and i am not saying confused people aren’t welcome. in fact, that’s one of the mainstays of aven, to never question someone’s asexuality, to never tell anyone they are or are not asexual. the aven community as a whole is ridiculously cuddly, full of kittens and cake and nothing ever hurts, and currently seems to be the popular place for 15 year olds to hang out after school. if someone were to use aven in it’s current state as an example, it’s no wonder people don’t take us seriously. i would never question anyone’s sexual identity personally, but damned if i can’t think it.
Yup, the reasons people can’t take us asexuals seriously is because we’re so damn accepting and cuddly. It’s because of folks like me who don’t question the identities of others’ and let them discover themselves on their own time, on their own terms. Clearly that’s where the accusations that we’re just a bunch of slut-shamers comes from, not from the garbage you just spewed in an attempt to defend Dan’s advice to that woman.
Fuck me, I never thought I’d ever see someone trying to defend that. Not even the biggest Dan fans I’ve argued with would try that kind of bullshit. Congratulations.
Jesus tapdancing Christ eating a baked potato while fighting off aliens, WHAT IN THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?
What was said is inexcusable. Dan Savage can eat a stir-fried bowl of panda diarrhea, and so can everyone who has ever made excuses for or agreed with his bullshit.
There aren’t enough tables in this world for me to vent my frustrations on. :I